Self-Help

 Empowerment of Sufferers of Eating Disorders through Self-help

Eating disorders have many causes; it is usually about much more than food. Although on the surface it appears to be about food it is basically an expression of avoidance of facing painful emotional feelings The sufferer uses the control of food to make up for stressful feelings and issues that are often too painful to deal with. People with eating disorders often suffer silently and secretly for many years. It is not unusual for them to feel too ashamed or guilty to reveal their problem to anyone. They are, therefore, very secretive and can become extremely isolated in their misery. They become entrenched into using the damaging strategies that have helped them cope with life at times of stress in the past.

Once sufferers have come to the conclusion that they want change in their lives then self-help can be of use. They want to be able to find less damaging coping mechanisms and strategies that will lead to a happier life. Recovery from an eating disorder can be a long and painful process. Recovery cannot take place until sufferers have decided they are ready for change. Just by thinking about using some form of self-help shows that sufferers believe they have a problem. That in itself is a great step forward. Self-help can be of use once the sufferer hears an inner voice saying "Yes I want something different!"

Self-help and the use of self-help manuals can empower and enable sufferers to unlock their own self-accepting attitudes in the knowledge that by doing so they can obtain a true sense of self and become effective in their own recovery. In their own time, sufferers learn to understand and challenge negative thought patterns that have arisen. They come to understand that the control exerted on the body is not the only way of coping. They can explore and learn to recognize the emotional pain they are in and have experienced in the past and how this has become linked to food misuse. Sufferers are also required to work on their relationships and social networks because problems with food and weight do not occur in a vacuum but are in a social context.

Empowerment through self-help involves the process by which an individual gains feelings of worth. Low self-esteem or self-worth can make individuals feel bad about themselves; to feel worthless as if they don’t count. Self-esteem can be built upon by giving words to it and then work on it thereby raising it. Everyone has painful aspects to their lives whatever their weight! Life is not a happy ever after myth. In everyone’s life there is pain and joy. It is how you deal with life’s events that count. Very often people with eating disorders view painful aspects of life not as part of ordinary life but as a punishment for something. As their self-esteem is raised so they will view painful aspects of life differently. The small steps taken to a raised self-esteem will in itself change the sufferer’s view of their world.

Unrealistic expectations will not nurture self-esteem. It will help, therefore, to focus on the difference between having a dream, living in a fantasy world and moving towards realistic expectations. Imagine, for instance, you have an excellent self-image and plenty of confidence. Then ask yourself the question, "in what way would life be any different from what it is now?" As you answer this question so you will be assisted in your choice of realistic achievable goals. Goals not only need to be realistic and achievable but also sustainable and very carefully chosen. Do not try to run before you can walk. Just take small steps that together will make for great change.

Carers in this situation, whether they be parent, partner or friend will be very confused and although they want to help may not know how they can be of help. It is normal for a carer to experience many different emotions and feelings such as fear, guilt and even anger. Parents particularly find themselves feeling guilty because they feel responsible that someone in their family has developed an eating disorder. No one person is responsible for someone developing the problem. It is very difficult to watch someone you love slowly destroy themselves. What is important is to provide a loving and safe environment that will enable and empower the sufferer the opportunity to be honest and open about how they feel. Just by being there for them will help. Reassure them that they can talk to you and that you will listen.

However much you are concerned and love this person it is important that you take care of yourself. It is important to remember you also have needs and the recovery process can be long and hard so take time out just for yourself. Perhaps you could get support from a group or from a particular friend or seek out help from a therapist. It is important and helpful to talk to others who understand how you feel and know what you are going through. The more you listen to your own needs so you will be able to support the person who is suffering.

As recovery gets under way so sufferers will progress to continuing improvement, however, there may be small setbacks along the way and the sufferer needs to be aware of strategies for preventing and dealing with them. For instance, having realistic expectations, spotting the problem early, being prepared to take a few steps backwards before proceeding further and identifying sources of stress are all strategies for preventing setbacks. The idea is that strategies are learned that can be called upon to ensure that small setbacks cannot lead to entire relapses.

Many people find insight and support from reading self-help manuals. They come to accept themselves as they are. Self acceptance is an important element of a raised self-esteem. As this self-knowledge progresses so the individual is empowered with a true picture of what needs to change in order to bring about a happy and fruitful future.

Edwina Apptis
(practical insights that can help a sufferer of eating disorders)