A supporter's Guide

 A Supporter needs to be someone who understands

• The fear someone has of giving up their way of managing life
• How the eating patterns are a sense of identity
• The role the eating issues have had in managing all aspects of life
• How things that seem little in terms of changes can be major upsets and upset a whole day
• The important of being reliable and consistent and doing what you say there has been enough let down without any more as this will lead to further pain and mistrust
• The anxiety that eating and changes in life cause and the feelings of exposure
• The need to be very grounded and real
• And has a sense of humour (appropriately)
• The need to be challenged and own when they are wrong
• The need for support for themselves.
• Someone who is in contact with everyday life to help the “normal part” of the person not just see the Eating Difficulty.
• And knows their own relationship with food and their body and does not dump it on the person they are supporting

Helping someone get through a meal

• Sit with them and eat your meal at the same time
• Encourage them to stick to the meal plan designed by a dietician
• Plan before a meal with the person what their particular needs are and how you can support them most effectively and decide how you will do that.
• Encourage them to cook meals that they will eat
• Check out first but many people find it good to be distracted from the meal by talking like you would at any other meal about anything other than the food or listening to music
• Be sensitively positive about their feelings towards the food
• Do be firm with boundaries so that what is on the meal plan needs to be eaten, and if it is not ok make a planned change with the dietician not at the table.
• Stick about after the meal do something together watch T.V read magazines, play scrabble, cards, make a jigsaw, do some drawing, water the plants
• Check out how much exercise they are doing encourage them to think about this with their doctor, dietician or therapist as exercise can be a way to compensate for eating
• Help them plan how to manage food at college or Uni or work
• Check out what they think is normal and share your views.
• Do not eat diet food with them or change the way you would normally eat your meal so eat at a usual speed to role model more normal eating!

Managing food fears

• Make enough time
• Be clear about the time from the outset
• Expect the person to eat but understand it is difficult
• Be attentive
• Be clear
• Reassure the person
• Be aware of food ridding places like sleeves the floor the dog and talk about these openly if the need arises, be open that cheating is only cheating themselves
• Keep focused on the person don’t get distracted and prioritise something else over the top of this
• Be patient
• Be firm
• Don’t’ praise or remind people of what they have already done
• Acknowledge and validate their fears
• Don’t bargain  or judge
• Don’t discuss your diet
• Make a clear ending like changing rooms